Self-Worth

In the past, I used to think that I deserved more, but today I feel like I don't deserve anything, and that I'm not worthy of having good things in my life.

I used to consider myself smart and handsome, but now I look in the mirror and see a stupid and ugly person. I wish I could get out of this body and live someone else's life—someone who is happy. But that would be pointless, as I would probably lose everything. After all, the problem is not the body; the problem is in my mind. When you see yourself as a loser, you become a loser; if you see yourself as a winner, you become a winner. In other words: you are what you think you are.

But that's easier said than done. I mean, if you are a loser, how can you possibly see yourself as a winner? Somehow, we have to trick our own minds and tell ourselves a lie. That worked for me in the past, but now it doesn't work anymore; I'm losing the ability to lie to myself. So now I can only see myself for what I am, and what I am is a fucking loser.

Not that I don't want good things. I do want to have a good house, a good car, and a good woman. But the problem is that my actions say otherwise; I don't behave like a person who deserves those things. I'm far from being the person I want to be. To be successful, I must be hardworking, and to have a good woman, I must be a good man—but I'm neither of those things.

That's right—I'm not a good man. I'm not loyal, I'm not romantic, I'm not caring... the list goes on. But I recognize that about myself, and I want to change. However, change doesn't come from words; it comes from our actions, as Marcus Aurelius once said: "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." And while it's easy to behave in public, it's hard to be a good man in private when nobody is watching.

Maybe I was approaching the problem the wrong way. I don't need to work on my self-worth to be a good man; I actually need to become a good man to regain my self-worth.